My husband and I have three wonderful children. Two are biological and one is adopted from Russia. We are done with sippy cups and diapers and I have my days open to do whatever I want while the kids are at school. I get to volunteer in their classrooms, shop at the grocery store without "help" and my house has more organization than it has had in years. In other words, life feels smooth and comfortable and a little easy.
A little too easy. A little too comfortable.
Has anyone else ever felt that way? Like, I'm so comfortable with the rhythm of this life that I fear what might rock the boat. Like, there's got to be more to my purpose on this earth.
It was this unsettled comfort that led my husband and I to consider another adoption. God was telling our hearts that he had more in mind for us and it led us back to that ache in our hearts for the voiceless orphans of the world.
We had always talked about four children, but after each one we really had to decide whether or not we wanted to add more chaos and more relational dynamics to our family. It was one year ago today that we found peace in saying YES to God's plan. One year ago today we sent our paperwork in to our adoption agency to begin the process of adopting a little girl from China.
Anyone who has ventured into the arena of international adoption knows the paperwork is endless. We had done this once before and were in no desperate hurry. So, patiently and expectantly we waited through a homestudy, fingerprints, US authorization and finally we were ready for a referral. In June we knew that any day we might get a call about a child with a minor special need that we could call our daughter.
It just so happened that before any call was made, God directed me to the waiting child photolisting for our agency. I found her. There she was. Could it be? Would she be ours? I found this sweet child's photo and my husband was quick to say, "I think she's our little girl?" I was more cautious. After all, this was not a child with a minor special need. We would soon find out that she has congenitally corrected transposition of the great arteries, a vsd and asd. This child was thriving and growing, but the prognosis for her future without surgery was very uncertain. Could we really love a child fully that might be taken from us early? Could we say YES to a child that had a heart condition that would undoubtedly take time, money and emotion far greater than I dreamed?
I cried. I prayed. I called my mom. I consulted physicians. That's when my dear husband, very matter-of-factly, confirmed what my heart was telling me all along. He said, "This child will live and will die in God's time no matter what. She will do that with or without a family. Our lives were not purposed for our comfort. We can do this together. We can be her parents." That's when the peace described in Philippines settled in my heart and mind. We said YES to what God had already lovingly chosen for us and obedience to His plan brought us peace.
So, fast forward to today....we are awaiting a travel approval from China and plan to travel there in January or February. My heart falls more and more in love with this little girl that I have never met every single day. I am already praying for her, her future surgeons and her life and trusting that our loving heavenly Father will be with us no matter what this life brings.
I am thankful. Thankful that He would choose me to be her mommy. Thankful that I am capable of loving completely and thankful that through this process He is peacefully molding me into the image of His Son, Jesus.
I will continue to write as our story unfolds...
