Merry Christmas

I am waiting downstairs for my little ones to wake up and scurry down the steps to tear open Christmas presents in brand new pajamas.  The thought of their excitement lifts my heart and gives me joy!

These last couple days I have been wrestling with the reality of peace of earth and joy everlasting.  Jesus came to the earth to bring us these gifts but we are only able to receive them through his death, not just his birth.  Life through death.  Hmmm?

Our family finished our advent readings yesterday and each of the kids talked about what brought them peace, joy, love and what they hope for.  And then we ventured into a discussion about how to have joy when we are sad.  You see, one of my dear friends lost her 11 year old boy to cancer this week.  That hurts.  That is painful.  Where is peace, joy, love and hope when we are deeply hurting?

Hallie's answered the question so simply and so completely.  "Well, it's like we are joyful because, like, we can hope about heaven, and like that makes us feel peaceful."

So, I am learning to fix my eyes on Jesus and the hope of heaven this Christmas.  Because, without him coming, living and dying to bring everlasting hope there is too much sadness to bear:  my daughter has lived in an orphanage and a foster home and is apart from me this morning, another friend lost her child this Christmas and yet another is remembering the child lost many Christmases ago.  

But, rejoice through the hurt and tears!  Jesus overcame the world.  There is life through death.  There is hope everlasting and peace on earth, because we can know without a doubt that we are loved and everlasting joy can be ours through Jesus.

For to us a child is born, 

   to us a son is given, 

   and the government will be on his shoulders. 

And he will be called 

   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, 

   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 

Isiah 9:6 

Getting Closer

Today was the day we bought five plane tickets to China!  Before we know it we will be holding our beloved daughter in our arms.  It seems surreal and makes my heart skip a beat when I think about her.

All of us were giddy this weekend as we painted pink walls, bought diapers and desitin, washed 24 month old clothing and went back and forth with our travel agency to plan tours and tickets.

The best part is watching my family react to the news that we will be traveling soon.  My dear husband is finally letting his heart get swept away in anticipation.  Having agonized through the long wait of our first adoption, he chose to distance himself from daily thoughts about this adoption to guard his heart from hurt.  Not anymore!  He is planning and preparing how we will video all the special moments and thinking about sharing those videos with our daughter as she grows.

Hallie, my oldest, squeals with delight at the thought of having a sister.  She was just giddy thinking about whether or not her little sister, Melia, would pick the pink or purple bath towel.  

Jacob, wanted to help with everything to prepare her room.  His acts of service are an expression of love and adoration for his new little sister.  He painted, and helped dad with the crib and wanted to put her books on the bookshelf.

Zachary is very verbal in his expression of love.  He talks about how she is, "the best sister ever,"  to which Hallie laughs and gives him a hard time.  He talks all day long about how he will change her diaper.  Hmmm, I think he is all talk but we'll see!

All in all, I am feeling the excitement building in our home as we await our newest family member.  One day, we will tell her all about how much she was loved and adored before we ever met her face to face.  After all, her name, Melia Xin Ai, does mean Beautiful Loved One.  And, she most certainly is our beautiful, loved daughter and sister.

                                        

A Dream Come True

Rewind 17 years.  I was meeting a wonderful, slightly goofy guy at UNL and after dating awhile decided to dream about getting married!  We talked long hours about our hopes and dreams for our future together.  One of our dreams was a family with biological and adopted children.  We hoped that God might give us four kiddos, two boys and two girls.

Now, I realize not all dreams come true.  Sometimes our desires don't lead us closer to the Lord and so He graciously and lovingly leads us down unexpected paths.  We have experienced this too, but I am so thankful that this dream is coming true...four kids, two boys, two girls, biological and adopted!

I sense that God put the desire for the make-up of our family in our hearts so long ago and we are very close to seeing the fulfillment of our hopes and dreams.  I am filled to overflowing with gratitude for God's goodness.

Speaking of dreams....Ryan and I both woke up this morning having dreamed about China.  My dream involved drinking hot chocolate that had not been boiled and worrying about contracting some intestinal bug from the contaminated water!

Best Christmas Present EVER

Today we got 99% confirmation from our adoption agency that we will be traveling to China in early January to bring our little girl home forever!  This news came as quite a surprise because we were thinking February would be more likely with Chinese New Year being in late January.  But, they squeezed us in before all the government offices close in the latter part of the month.

We are thrilled to be able to bring all three of our children with us on this journey!  My parents have offered to go along and help us with the kids and bring the older three home after one week being in China.  This will allow them to get back to a routine and meet us at the airport when we arrive home a week later! 

Our hope is that this trip will be a blessing to all our hearts.  We are anxious to have our daughter home so that her heart can get the medical attention it needs, we hope our other childrens' hearts will be forever changed as a result of seeing the world and the needs of orphans around the world, and that our hearts will become more like Christ's by making this journey of joyful sacrifice for our precious daughter.

Praise God!

Adoption

The other part of our story is adoption!  Certainly, our daughter's heart condition is paramount in our minds, but more immediate is the pending adoption of her into our family forever.  We hope to have her home in February at the latest.

I love to talk about adoption!  I think I adore this topic so much because I have been adopted too.  I was raised by two amazing biological parents, but, like all people I had a heart condition that separated me from true love.  I was born a sinner.  I was broken, a was figuring out life on my own and God chose me to be adopted into his family.  He looks at me now, one who was once covered in sin, and through His act of sacrificial love sees me without blemish and free from accusation (Colossians 3:22).  God cares for me emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.  He has meengraved on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16) and He will walk through any battle or circumstance with me.  God tells me every day, in so many ways, the same thing I tell my children before they go to sleep, "I will love you always and forever no matter what."

My heart aches patiently, waiting on the Lord's timing, to bring our daughter home to our family.  This will be a safe and loving place where she will have the freedom to be herself, to grow her gifts, to make mistakes, find forgiveness and to struggle through physical ailments with her family by her side .  This will be a place where our daughter will learn about the unconditional love of her Heavenly Father and receive unconditional love from her earthly parents as well.

This video captures the beauty of adoption and brought tears to my eyes when I saw it.

Praise God!  We all can know that kind of love.  We all can be adopted.  We have already been chosen, we just have to receive the gift.  "In love, he predestined us to be adopted as his sons and daughters through Jesus Christ."  Ephesians 1:5

CC L-TGA

CC L-TGA...Congenitally Corrected L-Transposition of the Great Arteries with dextrocardia, VSD and ASD.  This is our dear daughters heart condition.  So let me explain.

When a person is being formed in utero the heart starts out as a tube and it twists and turns to eventually create four chambers, two on the top and two on the bottom.  In our daughter's case her heart did not make all the usual twists and ended up looking and functioning a little different.

The two chambers on the top are in the correct position, but the bottom chambers are flip-flopped.  And, the big vessels that take blood to the lungs and to the body are attached to the wrong lower chambers.  The good news is that in this case two wrongs make a right and she currently has blood flowing in the right direction to all the right places!  But, often times this condition can lead to a weak heart, arrythmias and leaky valves if it is not corrected at some point in childhood.  In addition, the top chambers and bottom chambers both have small holes in the walls, so some blood swishes back and forth. Also, her heart is located in the right side of her chest and not the left.

As we have learned more about this condition we have been encouraged by stories of adults that never even knew they had the condition until into their 40's or 50's, a college athlete with CCLTGA and even a woman in that discovered her condition in her 80's!

We have heard more stories about children that undergo a major surgery called a Double Switch to correct the condition in childhood and hopefully prevent some complications in adulthood.  This will likely be the case for our daughter.  When we get home from China we will have her throughouly evaluated by a local  pediatric cardiologist to confirm these diagnoses and develop a plan for a heart healthy future.

Here is a picture of her condition...

To read more about Congenitally Corrected Transposition of the Great Arteries go HERE.

Why Do We Choose Parenthood?

As the mother of three, going on four children, my answer to this question has evolved.  Certainly, choosing to adopt a child with special physical needs has shaped the answer to this questions as well.

As I think back to 2002 when my first was born, my desire for children really was mainly about me.  I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to give birth, I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to be more fulfilled through the gift of parenthood.  Now, if you would have asked me my motive back in 2002 I most certainly would not have thought it to be selfish but I can see now that it was.

This is where God's goodness comes in...even when I am blindly motivated by selfish, albeit good, desires, God works it together for blessing and good. I am so completely blessed to be the mother of four children and I am thankful that I was able to conceive, give birth, nurse, adopt, bring home and parent these amazing children.

My perspective this time around is different though.  Isn't that what each child brings into our lives...a little perspective?  This time around I'm thinking more about her little, precious life and less about me.  I have to stop here and give thanks that God would even allow me to begin to understand his heart and grow me to be even a little like Him.  God your goodness is too wonderful for words!

But, back to this new perspective on parenting...I'm seeing more and more that to love a child is to act sacrificially.  It's not about my comfort or how they can make me look good or fulfill me.  God the Father set the bar when he sacrificed his only Son so that I could have a relationship with Him.  He loved me so much that He let it hurt his heart.

I have no idea what parenting our fourth will be like.  Maybe she will be the easiest,  Maybe her heart condition will not bring heartache for me and our family.  But, if it does, I am willing.  I love her so intensely and I've ever held her or seen her face to face.  I will choose to sacrifice because I trust that God will supply all I need when I need it.  And, as my sweet daughter's heart is likely reshaped through surgery in the coming years, I trust that my heart will also be reshaped into a heart that is more like His.

I choose this rocky, life-giving, life-changing, joyful road of parenthood because God is using it to give me a heart like His, and to teach these little ones that nothing in all of life will satisfy more than loving and following Jesus!