As the mother of three, going on four children, my answer to this question has evolved. Certainly, choosing to adopt a child with special physical needs has shaped the answer to this questions as well.
As I think back to 2002 when my first was born, my desire for children really was mainly about me. I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to give birth, I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to be more fulfilled through the gift of parenthood. Now, if you would have asked me my motive back in 2002 I most certainly would not have thought it to be selfish but I can see now that it was.
This is where God's goodness comes in...even when I am blindly motivated by selfish, albeit good, desires, God works it together for blessing and good. I am so completely blessed to be the mother of four children and I am thankful that I was able to conceive, give birth, nurse, adopt, bring home and parent these amazing children.
My perspective this time around is different though. Isn't that what each child brings into our lives...a little perspective? This time around I'm thinking more about her little, precious life and less about me. I have to stop here and give thanks that God would even allow me to begin to understand his heart and grow me to be even a little like Him. God your goodness is too wonderful for words!
But, back to this new perspective on parenting...I'm seeing more and more that to love a child is to act sacrificially. It's not about my comfort or how they can make me look good or fulfill me. God the Father set the bar when he sacrificed his only Son so that I could have a relationship with Him. He loved me so much that He let it hurt his heart.
I have no idea what parenting our fourth will be like. Maybe she will be the easiest, Maybe her heart condition will not bring heartache for me and our family. But, if it does, I am willing. I love her so intensely and I've ever held her or seen her face to face. I will choose to sacrifice because I trust that God will supply all I need when I need it. And, as my sweet daughter's heart is likely reshaped through surgery in the coming years, I trust that my heart will also be reshaped into a heart that is more like His.
I choose this rocky, life-giving, life-changing, joyful road of parenthood because God is using it to give me a heart like His, and to teach these little ones that nothing in all of life will satisfy more than loving and following Jesus!
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